Falling Falling Snow
by magnipisika16
Summary: To find all these winter miracles fall inexplicably to cover my sadness, I love it.To watch them hide my excruciating mistake and let me come out clean, I love it. To have them descend upon me and bury this crimson iniquity with false purity, I love it.


**Allow me to re-quote the statement of my friend, Mickey-chan. **

"**Upon finishing this fic, I shall hide . . ."**

**No, seriously, I **_**will **_**hide, and shall reappear when you guys finish reading this and, by then, would have the urge to kill, and bury me in the snow.**

**Okay, enjoy (or not)!**

**Song: Falling Falling Snow  
Artist: Len Kagamine**

**-m16-**

The snow seemed gentle in a rather cruel way. Perhaps it had been a long time since I last felt it, but now, everything was striking me as if they were knives.

I didn't see a reason, but I knew the reason was there. These small droplets that I see has its motive to fall so selfishly to the ground, and cover me with so much depression that I may not be able to take it if more would come.

With an odd sensation of want, I leaned slightly to stare at my reflection at the lake, only to see another person with me.

Strange how this all feels so different.

I'm alone as of late, and yet . . .

_In this curtain of night,  
the moon shines on two people  
I search for warmth  
as I strongly embrace the one I have_

Yet, I see two of them, basking their almost pale bodies under the wallowing moonlight. Perhaps I was being delirious due to the painstaking bitterness that has been thrown upon me as soon as these pair of feet stepped out of its comfortable home, but, everything seemed so genuine. From the way one reached out for the other, and how the other walked away in ignorance, or, if my perspective was false—as it always had—in heart-wrenching fear.

An abnormally cold evening zephyr passed through my ostensibly deteriorating being, breaking me into a state of bitter, harsh reality. Immediately, I wrapped myself in my own loving arms, as if to comfort me in a small, pathetic way. But, it only left me breathless as the arctic gust found its way through the fissures between my arms and body, leaving me with an attempt to be marked futile. The lot within me began vacillating so hard, I had to ingest away the rage to prevent it from getting anywhere ahead of my mouth.

My outlandish convulsion managed to bring me to my knees, the freezing sentiment close to bereavement percolating through my entire structure, leaving me frightened. Soon, my hands repossessed their capability to move, but, in place of pushing myself up and back to my feet, I found my deadening finger trace a name.

A name my brain did not know of, and yet, my heart seems to scream for.

_My breath becomes white as  
I use my numbing finger  
to etch your name in the snow  
as it melts and disappears_

"Who . . ." I muttered as I watched the name clarify itself, and then, upon the gush of another strong wind, erase itself into ethereal nothingness without giving me a chance to remember whose name it was.

The identity appeared like a stranger to most of my senses, but, if my hands were burly enough to defy my rebuttals, then the holder must be someone exceptional. At least for me.

Yet, who? How come that name formed by those snow-indentations that took the form of letters by no means strikes a chord to me? I don't recognize who this person was, and so, neither would I suppose that I have met this being in the precedent.

And yet, why would I write this blasted name down for my weary eyes to see?

"_I'll never let go,"  
The promise I made back then  
is fading away in the white visibility  
and returns to nothingness_

"_This ring I give to you as proof of my eternal love for you."_

My heart skipped a beat as that string of words passed through my almost unresponsive brain. I did not know what they meant, but I knew for a fact that it was none other than my voice who uttered them.

Ring . . .? What ring?

I raised my lifeless hands to see a small, white ring on my left finger. At once, I neared it to my face and breathed halfhearted gasps towards it as I examined it. Since when did I wear this thing? I don't quite recall that time, if ever it was real.

More questions flooded my mind. They all buzzed around me, swallowing me into insanity before I could even put up a fight. I wanted them all out; all these infernal queries taking so much space inside my brain, none of them I could provide a proper answer. Tears fell down my face as I attempted to flush away the inquiries, but it only left my being brought into an even deeper state of brokenness.

And, then, as if by magic, the snow from above came, and instantaneously, I forgot about it all.

_Falling falling snow,  
I want you to cover and hide me  
I watch your back going away from me  
and held in my tears_

Beautiful. The stunning snow fell even harder than it did a while ago. Far heavily as well. It was as if I was feeling hard rocks falling down my body, attempting to push me down and bury me alive while it still can. Surely, I know I should be running away from the upcoming storm, but I couldn't stop myself from enjoying every moment of this.

Beautiful snow. I want it to cover me now, if that is what it plans to do.

Eccentrically, a smile formed in my countenance as I felt something hot and soothing trickle down my twitching cheeks. I looked ahead of me, and found a stature, its back there to face me. I assumed my voice was calling out for it, but no matter how hoarse my tone would be, it never turned around.

My smile broke into a million pieces, and, just when I thought the pain would kill me, no tear came out of my pale eyes.

_The falling snow swallows  
my world and my love  
until the pain in my chest heals  
Melt away in the white_

Again, another heavy snowfall beseeched for me to turn away, but my feet were fastened steadily to the ground, and I had no choice but to watch everything be buried into a huge mantle of pallid lies and pretentions.

The world I was standing on gave the impression that it crumbled long before I stood here today. It was as if everything has ended in front of my very eyes, and now that I couldn't remember, my heart reminisces. Agonizing statements of comfort found their way out of my trembling lips, making me conclude that it was for my moribund spirit.

Everything was beginning to disappear before my very eyes, and I had to hold on to them all. My strange desire urges me to.

Grasp the pain, the happiness, the hurt, and the comfort . . .

. . . Before everything vanishes underneath the endless white . . .

_The days I spent with you flow  
through the passing seasons.  
The memories filled with laughter  
becomes a transient image_

"What world am I in?"

"_I'm here . . ."_

"Who are you?"

"_I won't leave . . ."_

"Where are you?"

"_Everything shall be fine . . ."_

Her beautiful face came into view as I felt like I was chasing a runaway memory. She was smiling with me as we ran through the vast field together.

I watched me catch her and hug her as if she was to be taken away from me.

I watched her laugh, and reassure me that nothing will change and everything shall be fine.

I watched me cry, and kiss her hands tenderly and lovingly.

I watched her lean forward and brush her lips upon mine.

I watched myself kneel down on one knee, and pull out what seemed like a box.

I watched her smile, and watched even more as that smile became an illustration of ephemeral ecstasy.

_Your appearance starts fading into the congestion  
"Please don't go!"  
My feelings become a fragment in the snow_

My eyes drifted themselves back to the body of water to where I watched my reflection from a while ago. This time it showed no more of the two vague individuals, but such clear images of two people being spun in Fate's fingers like a string. One was a woman, in a beautiful white dress, a white as the snow now falling on her frail body. She started to move, her fingers evidently closing up into a fist that connoted yearning as she cried for such a familiar name. The other then was a man, dressed in black, but that blackness was stained with dark red as he watched the snow she laid upon be stained of the same color.

_Please, don't leave me . . ._

He looked at her with pity and hurt, and, if closely examined, longing. With another string of inaudible terms thrown at the dilapidated woman, he turned around and walked away, with no initiative of ever looking back.

I wanted to cry for the poor woman and curse for the impudence of that man.

But, alas, here comes the snow yet again.

_Falling falling snow  
I want it to cover and hide your appearance.  
Are these silently falling objects the snow . . .?_

_. . . Or my tears . . ._

Envious. Such resentful snow plummets down towards my sorry being, as if to prevent me to see all this and remember. Quite desperately, if I do say so myself. I could feel myself reach out as it descends ever so soothingly, to conceal away this sore reminiscence until I felt no more.

I remember no more.

Looking up, I felt the drop of every snowflake, and I had to wonder where they came from. I want to know, so I'd be aware of the place where such cold substances come from, and be able to prevent it.

Looking down, I saw the flurry accumulated since the day they first fell. More have fallen, I observed, and some melted away quickly. In fact, it was as if they were really liquid in the first place.

And, they seemed like they did not come from the peaceful sky.

_The falling snow swallows  
you and our past.  
Until the day comes  
when it melts and disappears . . ._

Soon, my feet were dragging me again towards heaven-knows-where. I looked at the lake, and it was slowly freezing into something I would never want to imagine seeing myself into. I looked ahead, and found footprints. I know they are not mine, and I preceded into following them, but the snow—the spiteful snow—swathed every bit of clue I could find that may show me where my body was leading me.

My beloved snow begins to swallow everything in sight, and, in time, it will leave nothing for me but bland pastiness that I know I can never achieve anything from.

And, I know that before long, this white flurry shall melt away into nothingness, letting my irretrievable past flow gently with it, away from my curious being that desires nothing but enlightenment.

But, until that happens, I still have something to hold on to.

That would be these fragments the snow holds.

_. . . Don't forget about me . . ._

"Colonello, there you are!" a voice called out to my spaced-out sanity. Robotically, I turned around and found a bright light approaching me. Funnily, I mistook it as a giant firefly and I had to run away in fear. Footsteps were in pursuit of me, and I kept on running away, until I was deep within the woods.

There, I felt secure that no one was on my back, and I could relax for a moment.

Slowly, I opened my eyes and straightened myself, only to see a large tombstone in front of me.

"In loving memory of Lal Mirch," it says, and, for a short while, the name seemed familiar. I waited for that feeling to fade, but it didn't. The awareness was still in tact as I read the name again and again.

And, the sudden struck of reality pierced through me like a sword.

_Blurring and breaking away,_

I now remember it! Everything! How it happened . . . Why it happened . . .

The answer was uncomplicated.

Me.

I did the most horrendous thing anyone could have done. The most inhumane act that even the most evil enemy I could imagine would call me a vile and atrocious human being.

Perhaps, he wouldn't call me a human being in this case.

No.

No human being will be able to slay his own beloved, and leave her to die in the midst of cold, bitter snow, listening to her unfathomable, vanishing voice call out his name in a pleading tone.

_The fragments of my memory_

I left her on the day of our actual wedding, in fear of the consequences of my excruciating blunder. I left her bloody and breathless, while the others just looked in shock and hatred.

Without ever looking back, I knew they felt the same way when I stabbed her from behind. We all had the presentiment that she was a monster; the same one that would kill us all in the days to come.

My beloved Lal Mirch was the threat that everyone had feared of.

And, I . . . to protect, I . . .

I killed her.

I watched her body deteriorate as she called out to me, not anymore heeding my conscience. Then, I ran to escape, in hope that someday, forgiveness will come for me, if I could not achieve it on my own.

And, slowly, ever so slowly, my sanity began to fall apart before I could pronounce my regret. My memories began to depreciate together with the snow that melted underneath my feet, and all I could hear was her voice saying the word I have condemned since the day I could utter it myself.

_. . . Goodbye . . ._

Tears poured down in the buckets as I fell down into my knees, body shivering from the swallowing bitterness upon realizing everything.

By killing her, I was dubbed a monster as well by my own scruples. I ended the life of that someone who woke my being into existence.

By escaping her, I was dubbed a coward by my heart. I ran away and tried my best to forget everything I did, as if I could simply erase everything.

How could I live up to my vow to her of eternal love if now, I could not even remember the meaning of that painstaking image the snow constantly reminds me of? How dare I forget?

_Falling falling snow,  
I want you to cover and hide me.  
The falling droplets  
are my voice and my tears_

Selfish. That was what I was, and now I wish for the dear snow to be as well. Let us both act upon our own self-centeredness and hide each other.

Plaster me.

Veil me.

Bury me alive.

Allow me to forget again.

I can never live with such heavy truths hovering above me as I go on. Then again, how could I go on? This was as far as I could set off without looking. The farther I go, the more I will be forced to open my eyes even more and reveal more of myself, and that I do not think I could endure even more.

No more.

This image before me was more than enough.

I could no longer hold anymore.

"I want to forget . . . I want to be ignorant . . . I want to leave . . . I want you to disappear!" My eyes bore into the stone for the second time, and still it was there, no matter how much I called for it to abscond.

From above me the egotistical snow fell with no consideration for other things. It just fell at its own pace, but no matter how much it called for one to notice, it was ignored. Poor little flakes of ice that are forced to fall flat and stepped upon on the cold, lifeless ground.

Forgotten.

Neglected.

_The falling snow swallows  
my world and my love_

Covering my sadness, my beautiful snow.

Hindering me to remember, my envious snow.

Forcing me to forget, my selfish snow.

It seems to mock me as it cascades down to my surroundings, covering everything in infinite emptiness. Shall I have it stop? Must I let it continue? Is this not what I wished for, or is this not what I have condemned?

_Until the pain in my chest heals  
Melt away in the white_

To find all these winter miracles fall inexplicably to cover my sadness, I love it.

To watch them hide my excruciating mistake and let me come out clean, I love it.

To have them descend upon me and bury this crimson iniquity with false purity, I love it.

Her crumbling name before me will soon be covered, the footprints shall fade; everything will be hidden underneath a blanket of putrid deception. And when that blanket melts away, everything will disappear. Things will be as what I have used to perceive them to be.

Soon, everything shall be nothing but white; a wonderland where nothing can be blamed and everything shall be innocent.

But, she cried so much for me on that day. She pleaded me not to forget. I ran, but I listened, and all I heard was the same thing . . .

"_Don't forget about me . . ."_

"Colonello!"

"I think he went to this direction!"

"Hey, there he is!"

Falling, falling snow . . .

"Oh, no . . ."

"W-wha . . .? How did he reach _this _place?"

"That doesn't matter now! Colonello's out cold! Somebody do something!"

I want you to cover and hide me . . .

"Colonello, wake up! Stay with us . . ."

"Colonello! Can you hear us? Please! Open your eyes! What you saw was not true! That . . . that stone meant nothing . . ."

Erase all these lies that surround my sorry being . . .

"That's enough. Stop the lies. It won't work anymore. He's not breathing . . ."

"Liar! He'll live! We promised that we'll keep him alive!"

"There's nothing more we could do . . ."

"Colonello! Wake up! Please, wake up!"

"That's enough . . . No more . . ."

Until every painful thing melts . . .

"Colonello! He spoke!"

"No way . . . Colonello, can you hear me? Can you hear us?"

"Let me die . . ."

"No!"

"Colonello, listen to us. You're time is not yet up. You promised to live more for her."

"I-I killed her . . ."

"She asked you to kill her! It was for the good of everyone! Please, Colonello, don't take this all upon yourself . . ."

"It's my entire fault . . ."

"It's not your fault, Colonello!"

"If I wasn't stupid, she'd be here . . ."

Let everything melt . . .

"Colonello, don't close your eyes . . ."

"I want to see her again . . ."

"_I'm here . . ."_

"Lal . . ."

"_I won't leave . . ."_

"Lal . . ."

"_Everything will be fine . . ."_

Melt away in the white . . .

**-FIN-**

**Yes, ladies and gentlemen, another rather painful fic. I'm sorry. My brain keeps on producing weird ideas since I felt like I needed to improve more.**

**Darn it!**

**Oh, well, I just hope you guys somehow appreciated it even though it wasn't so . . . sweet, like my other ones. *sighs* Perhaps another cosplay event is in order . . .**

**Thanks for reading, nonetheless!**

**LoveLots~**


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